This insistence to discovery will be present, whether a given relationship seems "ordinary" - that is, a conventional marriage - or extraordinary - doesn't conform to the social dictates of daily, domestic, exclusive, or forever. Either way, our relationships are calling us to a world of larger truth and greater love.

We're directed to this high calling even when our relationships end. For example, I know a man, John, married seventeen years, who'd been sensing the oncoming end of his marriage for some time. Although he and his wife, Susan, had never been particularly unhappy, it seemed, as he said, that they had already given each other all that they had meant to give, and he felt that for his own growth, he needed to move on.

He wasn't sure if his need was of a spiritual nature, or if it meant having another intimate partner, but he was clear that the time for their parting had come. When he told Susan, she was initially heartbroken, but, as she, too, realized that in spite of their love for each other, they had gone as far as they could go together. She had supported John in discovering and establishing his career; he had helped her gain a sense of self-esteem. But both of them now seemed stuck in their lives and their relationship was just a holding pattern.

After one of these powerful truth-telling sessions, they went home and made love, and in the tear-streaked aftermath agreed that over the next several months they'd take the necessary steps to effect their separation.

They started to do this, but within seven weeks Susan discovered, to her amazement, that she was pregnant. Having been unable to conceive during all the years of their marriage, she was both delighted and thrown off balance by this discovery. After thinking about it at length and then talking it over, they both decided, in spite of their imminent divorce, to go ahead and have the baby and share in their child's financial support and parenting. In spite of this ironic timing, they both agreed that this remarkable turn of events in no way changed the fact that THEIR marriage was over.

Over the next several months, John and Susan helped each other set up new living arrangements. Meanwhile, throughout her pregnancy, John attended birthing classes with her and together they consulted a lawyer about their forthcoming divorce.

On the day they were to sign the final papers for their divorce, Susan went into labor. Bypassing the lawyer's office, John rushed to the hospital to assist her in the birth. Later that evening, they drank champagne in her hospital room, rejoiced in the arrival of their daughter, and signed the papers for their divorce.

As astonishing and untoward as this divorce appeared to be, it held a high purpose for all the people affected by it. Two years later Susan married a divorced man with 2 sons who moved happily into the role of having a little sister, while, John, who'd been a real estate executive, completely revamped his life by totally withdrawing from his professional responsibilities. He took a long time off, hiking and meditating in the mountains, taking instruction in a number of spiritual disciplines. Finally, he went on a series of spiritual pilgrimages. Over time, his focus shifted from his outer to his inner life.

As time went on, their daughter was revealed to be a remarkably unusual child, highly attracted to animals and birds, deeply intuitive. Although her mother and stepfather provided her with family and security, they were unable to support her spiritual emergence, but because he had been on a spiritual journey of his own, John was able to provide her with comfort and direction.

The personality would shudder self-righteously at the thought of John's leaving Susan at the brink of childbirth. But John's intution, Susan's trust in his intuition, and their shared courage, created, in the long run, both a nurturing home and extraordinary support for their daughter's developing spiritual consciousness.

We may not know what the soul is up to, and it's often a long way into the story before we can even get a sniff of what it has in mind for us. If we can surrender to the fact that the soul knows what it's doing in spite of travails, confusion, and what at times may even appear to be utter insanity (as in this man's untimely departure from his wife), we can learn something important from every relationship experience. But, like John and Susan, we must have faith, courage and integrity every step of the way.

Through their experience these people all expanded their capacity for love. Susan rose to a higher love for John even as they were parting so that, together, they could both rise to a higher level of love for their spiritually gifted child. Susan's new husband was expanded by his appreciation for the gifts that only John could give his stepdaughter - a set of values missing in his own life - and his sons both opened their hearts to love a remarkable little girl.

~ Daphne Rose Kingma, The Future of Love

Who Around you do you consider wise?

This is one of those questions where I'd rather show you, than tell, my answer.

I'd rather take you by the hand and lead you outside, away from your computer, away from any pressures, away from any troubling stories or news or worries or concerns, and into a more timeless world of seasons and cycles and peace.

I'd rather dance with you to somewhere still and quiet, deep into a sun-dappled forest, weaving through trees, where the only sounds are birdsong, and the rustling of branches and the rhythm of our footsteps.

I'd rather discover with you a lake, still and blue and calm, with a warm and smooth expanse of rock leading out into it.

I'd rather we both make our way out on this natural bridge, to lie on our bellies with our hands trailing into the water, and I'd rather point to your reflection, to you-and not just any you, but you when you feel the most relaxed and trusting and happy and comfortable, and you when you feel most loved. 

by Siona

Thanks so much, Siona! I just had to repost this on my blog since it is so awesome! :)

http://matthew.gaia.com/blog/2009/8/the-more-love-i-give-the-more-i-have-to-give

There are 2 aspects to this -

1. Many people are polyamourous by definition of the word because they tend to have deep bonded relationships with people other than their partners/spouses. This class of people do not indulge in guiltfreesex with their non partners tho.

2. The second class of polyamourous people have moved on from being possessive and sexually jealous about their partners and are secure enough about their inherent love for each other to allow themselves and their partners to explore aspects of themselves that cannot be explored in a monoamourous relationship.

This class of people, DOES have guiltfreesex with people they love who are not their partners and they are open/authentic/trusting enough of themselves and their partners to not become insecure about themselves or their current relationship. They tend to also have stronger bonds because their relationship allows themselves the FREEDOM to explore themselves without repurcussions :)

People who are monoamourous by choice inspite of the FREEDOM to explore new frontiers are the only true monogamous folk. Such folk have likely explored this aspect in reality in some depth (not just in thought) but decided they preferred monoamory.

Monoamorous people who are afraid to explore themselves or allow their partners to do so come from a space of insecurity and lack. This is not monoamory, it is more likely a marriage of 2 unhappy joyless individuals denying themselves the opportunity of authenticity.

Since "sex" and its associated connotations is a point of contention for many, many polyamorous relationships remain shy of indulging the physical aspect of the relationship.

Lastly, how is it possible to NOT love many people without rejecting your infinite capacity of love?

by Sougat Garai

Marriage Clone

Serial Marriages

The Triangle

For example, a woman in her late thirties, a computer whiz and part-time masseuse, lives in a household with both her current love and her former lover. Her former lover, now a a good friend gives her present lover counsel on how to treat her, explaining where he made mistakes, talking about the atttibutes which her current lover has which make him MORE fit for the job of loving her well. He speaks of himself as the guardian angel to their relationship. "I somehow always understood, even when I was with her," he says, "that I wasn't to be hers forever. I was there to enjoy her and to carry through a few things, but in actuality, I was just a stop on her way to her real destination."

"We'are all having an amazing, beautiful time," says the woman. "It has to be known that two people who love the same person don't have to be enemies. Somebody's got to start living this out and showing how it can work."

In their particular situation, they all support one another in a larger vessel of love. Ordinarily, in the world of personality, men compete with one another for the affections of a single woman, not only in the moment of trying to capture her, but even in retrospect. These two gentlemen, both STRONG and GENTLE men, are dissolving the archaic pattern of the male combative mode. In loving this woman together, they also embrace one another as men, which, for each of them, has been a movement toward spiritual expansion.

As their story shows, the soul is always interested in bringing us together. It isn't interested in hierarchies or egos. It keeps saying that love is all that matters. It keeps showing, through each of our little experiences, that if only we can open our hearts just a little bit wider, more love can flow in with every transaction.

Love is ease, love is grace. When we have to worry about such things as "I loved her first", or "I loved her better", or "She left me, so nobody else can have her," we keep constricting ourselves emotionally, physically, spiritually. Constriction takes energy. It wears us out. But each time we can expland, relax, and let more love in, we find a greater sense of ease, because we have nothing to defend, protect, or bark about. This is where we're all going, but it takes courage to get there. These people, who are doing it so comfortably, are lighting a candle and showing the way. They have tasted of the true grace which, expanded to infinity, is absolute seamless ease. It is love.

(I'd say the relationships betweem Juan Antonio, Cristina and Maria Elena in the movie Vicky Cristina Barcelona is another beautiful example of the Triangle).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Double Duo

Same-Sex Marriage

Cross-Gender Departures

Cross-Generational Marriages

The Parent-Child Bond

Friendship

The Sacred Circle of Friends

There will also be a form of communal relationship that I call the Wheel or the Sacred Circle of Friends. In this configuration, rather than having a single spouse, domestic partner, or main squeeze, an individual will have a collection of loved ones and friends who comprise his or her relationship life. In these formats, each person will be the hub of his own wheel, surrounded by a number of people, each of whom serves relationship function - the confided-in friend, the person who shares some financial burden, the occasional or serial lover, or the practical helpmate. Instead of this group being viewed as a stand-in for a "real relationship", this constellation of people will be celebrated as a bounteous gift, acknowledged as a relationship form in itself.

Vincent, a man in his forties, is a person whose entire relationship life, has been happily lived in this form. Although he has an occasional lover, this wheel is his relationship of record.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Emotional Spouse

Social Pairings

Voluntary Separations

The Solo

The Relationship Monk

Intentional Community

from The Future of Love by Daphne Rose Kingma

 

Sweetness flowing into me, through me, and a long, complicated, at times, very simple, arduous journey takes place - Pan's mischievousness brushes past Cupid's bow on her face, lips touch, tongues twist, rivers collide, arms around each other, rain pours down - I playfully hit her on the arms, and she squeals, "Ow!!!" and she sounds so cute, and I massage away the area on the arm I had hit, and she says, delightfully, " That feels so good!" So I tickle her, and she laughs and writhes and squirms and moves her body all over the place, like a little girl, and it is like the day the formless first became form - jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring...

I look into her eyes. Deep, soothing tears flow. She disappears. We disappear.

Finally, sweetness flows

As me,

As her,

And without me , without her,

And there is

Only

Sweetness.